Happy 3rd Birthday!

Dear Gavin,
Today you turn three years old. I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. You are growing from such an amazing baby into such an incredible and inquisitive child. I am so, so proud to call you my boy. We used to be so worried that you were delayed with your speech, and now its like those worries were such a waste, you just needed some time to come into your own. You are such a smart kid, I am not just saying this because I am your mom, but truly you amaze me. You can tell by watching you that the wheels are always spinning and you are always pondering things. I love watching you play. You will find yourself your "papers" rip them into tiny pieces and create story lines with them. No one else really knows what is happening, but you know exactly what those papers are doing. You name the papers "momma" "jenn" "moga" "daddy" and sit and play literally for hours on end. At least you have stopped rolling the paper and sticking it up your nose.
Your birthday theme this year was Mickey. I made you your cake and cupcakes. You had huge Mickey balloons which you loved. Coming up with a theme is always so hard because one day you love something and the next not so much.

 These were your cupcakes. I decorated Oreo cookies to look like Mickey. Took me HOURS! But you are worth the time.

We Had "Zoo 2 You" at the Party. You and your friends loved it. This is you with a Bearded Dragon on your head. You were fearless with all the animals.

This was your Mickey cake. Someone touched the icing before I could get a picture. I did my best to fix it.

Next year is a big year for you. You will either be starting school in homeschooling or going to school. We haven't decided yet. You are such an amazing kid. I am scared to send you out into the world because I want everyone you encounter to love you as much as I do. I want everyone you meet to see you for the unique and precious kid that you are.

This was your first 3 months as a BIG brother. You are absolutely brilliant with your sister. You adore her. I know I made the right choice to expand on our family because I see how happy you are. I cant wait to continue to watch you both grow together, play together, go on adventures together.

Gavin you will never ever know how much I love you, what you mean to me and how much I treasure your little soul. Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet boy. You are my sunshine and always will be.

XO

Mommy 



Leave a Message at the Beep

Isn't life strange? I am a fan of prayer and God, and Jesus and Mary, hell the whole gang, and I often selfishly ask for things that I am sure I don't deserve or are just completely unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Well back in August I had told my husband and a few of my friends that I wanted nothing more that to be pregnant in September, so that I could share the news with everyone at my sons second birthday party. The plan was to wrap a shirt that said something like "World's Best Brother" on it and unwrap it for all to see. Well my prayer was answered....

Dear Pretty in Pink,

It was the morning of your big brothers birthday, September 30th,2012, and I decided to take the ever so stressful pregnancy test. God bless "first Response" as I hadn't missed my monthly visitor yet, but just thought I would give it a whirl. I had told myself that I wouldn't be upset if the reply the stick shouted at me was negative, but we both know that was a lie. So anyhow, I take the test, stare at it for 30 seconds, and yup it was NEGATIVE. Now they say to wait 5 minutes for results, but one thing you will learn to know about your momma here is just how incredibly impatient I am. So after my fury set in I stormed back to bed. Thirty minutes later I got out of bed and went to the washroom, picked the test off the floor and could not believe what I was seeing, a faint line, a pink faint line, the test was POSITIVE.
I went into the kitchen and tossed the test to your dad and he was completely in shock. Dad was quickly sent on an errand to find me that shirt!
Everyone was ecstatic to hear the news, especially your grandma. I was in complete shock all day, I couldn't believe that God had given us such a tremendous gift to share on such a great day. I couldn't believe that I got what I wanted, ha ha.
It is so funny how much you love someone without even meeting them, for me I instantly loved you unconditionally. You were the greatest birthday gift I could have ever given.
So when you think that God isn't listening, your wrong, you may need to leave a message at the beep, but he'll get back to you when the time is right. Remember that always, God ignores no one, don't ever give up on Him, He's the only one who will ALWAYS be there for you ALWAYS.

I love you xxoo

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Your Momma

Keep Blinking

Well, today is my first time writing on this blog.  I am excited to start. I have never been good at keeping a journal, and often wish I was one of those people who mapped out their entire lives in the private little book. So, I am taking the step to post on here regularly. I want this to be something people, especially my loved ones can look back at and share in memories, laughs, tears and just enjoy.

I am married to an amazing man. We have been together since the early age of 16. He is the love of my life, my best friend and father of my children. He owns my heart. I love him.

I am a mother of one very energetic, loving little boy, we will refer to him as "Gangen", as that is what he calls himself. I wont share the names of my kids on here or pictures of their innocent faces as you never know who is looking or reading. This is my pledge and promise right now, I wont invade the privacy of my kidlets on this site.

Life changed so much when I first found out I was pregnant with my little man. You never feel so many emotions at once, the good, the bad, the scary. Even when kids are planned the beginning of the journey is new and unfamiliar and there is no GPS of parenting. The entire pregnancy is a whirlwind of emotions, happiness, fear, uncertainty, and there is no relief like hearing your baby's heart beat each and every month to assure you that your little one is alive and hopefully growing well and healthy. I was a nervous wreck for 9 months, which I think most moms are.

I dealt with a great deal during my pregnancy, with my boy. My mother in law was very ill with Cancer and around my 4th month became gravely ill. We (my husband and I) along with nurses and other family pretty well moved in with her to care for her. We wanted nothing more than for her to witness her first grandchild, she never made it to witness his birth. This is something I struggle with a great deal. And will share my thoughts on as I go along.

The day my son was born was the happiest day of my life. It was also the scariest. Your fears in pregnancy don't fade when the baby is born, they transform. You instantly become fearful of losing your baby, which in essence would be losing your soul. I have struggled with my little guy growing up. Each and every day that passes reminds me of what truly matters. Life is short. And having kids makes life travel at ferocious speeds. I look at him and his innocence and think "where did my life go" I am going to be thirty next month (the half way to sixty birthday as I call it) and I can't get over how quickly we go from an infant, to a toddler, to a preschooler, to a prepubescent teen, to a teen, to an adult, its like blinking, you don't even realize your doing it. I want to freeze time, but its not possible, so you just keep blinking.

I am now pregnant with second baby, a girl. Now that let me tell you was a completely different set of emotions for me. A girl. A little me. I was a challenge. Girls come with so much more pressure than boys. I cried the first night, scared for her, scared for all the hurdles she will face as a female. The need to be perfect in the eyes others, even tho she'll always be perfect in ours. Choosing the proper friends and not ganging up on other girls, making and keeping friends, not making and keeping enemies. Will she be thin enough for society, pretty enough. Bullied, will she come home not wanting to return to school or will she make fun of others behind their backs. Will she hate me (well I know she will) but will she eventually love me again. I never had this with having a boy and it is scary. I already love her so much it hurts.

Having a child is honestly like having your heart walk around outside your body, who ever wrote that, couldn't have said it any better!

Well those are my thoughts for now, serious first post, I know.  Thanks for reading :)